Let’s be honest – breakups suck, don’t they? Whether it was a messy split or a mutual “it’s not working” chat, moving on from someone you cared about (or still care about) is never easy. You might find yourself scrolling through old photos, replaying arguments in your head, or even itching to send that “how are you?” text just to feel connected again. But here’s a little piece of advice I’ve picked up along the way, and it’s one that’s genuinely changed how I handle post-breakup blues: consider going no contact with your ex.
Now, I know what you’re thinking – “Isn’t that a bit harsh?” Or “We’re still friends, so why cut them off?” Hear me out. No contact isn’t about punishing your ex, and it’s not about holding a grudge. It’s about giving yourself the one thing you need most right now: space to reset. When you keep in touch, even casually, you’re keeping that emotional door slightly ajar, and that makes it so much harder to process your feelings and move forward.
Think about it – our brains have a funny way of romanticising the past. You’ll probably find yourself forgetting the late-night arguments, the times you felt unappreciated, or the reason you split up in the first place. Instead, you’ll fixate on the good bits: the coffee dates, the lazy Sundays, the inside jokes. That’s the nostalgia talking, and it’s not doing you any favours. Cutting contact helps you see the relationship for what it really was, not what you want it to be.
Another big reason? Your mental health. Let’s face it – seeing your ex’s social media posts (even if it’s just a casual like) can trigger a whole wave of emotions: jealousy, sadness, doubt. A study even found that staying connected with an ex on social media is linked to higher levels of anxiety and depression post-breakup . When you go no contact, you’re protecting yourself from that constant emotional rollercoaster. You’re taking back control of your feed, your thoughts, and your feelings.
And let’s not forget about you. Breakups are a chance to rediscover who you are outside of a relationship. Remember that hobby you put on hold? The friends you didn’t see as much because you were too busy with your ex? Now’s the time to dive back in. When you’re not focused on your ex’s life, you can focus on building a life that makes you happy. That’s not selfish – it’s necessary.
I’m not saying it’s easy. There will be days when you’re tempted to reach out, especially if you hear they’re having a hard time or if a mutual friend mentions them. But ask yourself: what am I hoping to gain from this? More often than not, it’s just a temporary fix for that empty feeling, and it will only prolong the healing process.
Of course, there are exceptions. If you have kids together, work in the same team, or share important responsibilities, you can’t cut contact completely. But in those cases, keep things strictly practical. Stick to talking about the things you have to, and avoid the small talk that blurs the lines . Think of it as a work relationship – polite, efficient, and emotion-free.
At the end of the day, no contact is about putting yourself first. It’s about acknowledging that you deserve to heal, to grow, and to find happiness again – and that’s hard to do when you’re still holding onto the past. So be kind to yourself, give yourself that space, and trust that in time, things will get easier. You’ve got this.